-adjective, sex.i.er, sex.i.est
1. concerned predominantly or excessively with sex, risque: a sexy novel.
2. sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality: the sexiest professor on campus.
3. excitingly appealing; glamorous; a sexy new car.
I know some of you are wondering what on earth this post is going to be about, that is if anybody even reads it. And I know that even more of you may associate "sexy" with pictures of scantily clad men, sorry to disappoint you, but you will find no such pictures in this post.
My sixth year wedding anniversary passed this year and although I'm very fortunate to have literally found the man of my dreams, I'm sad to report that a lot of my friends (and a lot of people period) are walking the opposite way from each other.
We live in an age where divorce is as common as walking the kids to school. When I was younger the "D" word was hushed and adults beat around the bush but now the bomb is dropped so matter of factly it has my head spinning.
Whatever happened to working things out? Whatever happened to "in sickness and in health" or "through the good times and the bad?" It seems to me that we live in such a fast paced era that people would rather just plow right through their emotions rather than stop and deal with them. Now I'm not saying that any two cases are alike and by no means can I compare my life to that of anybody else, but with divorce rates skyrocketing like they are and so many single families in the world, my head is literally reeling.
It's expected, scratch that, it should be expected that marriage is hard! Being married is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, in your life! Gone is your freedom, and I mean that in the most nicest possible way, but let's face it, when you're married it's not like you can just pick and go out when you want or where you want. There's not just you to consider, there's also your significant other. On the other hand, you trade freedom for companionship. You now have someone to go out with (whether you want to or not, lol) and they're at your disposal 99.9% of the time.
Fights are to be expected also. Being the two completely different individuals that you are, you both have different tastes whether in music, food, decorating. Different ideas about how the kids should be raised, or where to put your mother's vase that she got for you on her trip to Europe. Perhaps something was said that the other didn't like? Or maybe someone insinuated that your favorite sweater with the pom poms and hoody didn't look as good on you as you thought it did. The point is that it's next to impossible to please one another all of the damn time. You are going to fight and you are going to argue. How boring would we all be if we all got along? We'd be plastic mannequins with no brain capacity and I don't know about you but sometimes I like to argue just to remind myself I'm human. The difference is knowing when to say you're sorry. Sorry? Why is it so hard to mutter that word? It's almost like once we say it we strip ourselves of an outer shell we've convinced ourselves proves our perfection. I'll be the first to admit that I am not perfect, and I make mistakes but I make myself accountable for my words and my actions.
Be open about your expectations. Kids, no kids? Vacation home in South Hampton? Ferrari or Pontiac Montana? Sometimes going into a marriage we have high expectations. Who doesn't want a house with a white picket fence, two kids playing on the front lawn with a dog chasing after them? A lot of time couples don't discuss their future expectations and after the wedding is done and over and they start their married routine they are sadly disappointed. Let's be honest, we all want to live the golden dream. A good job that pays well, vacations, a home, family, cars, the list can go on and on but who's to say that your significant other wants the same things as you?
Basically it all boils down to communication. With so much social media gadgets available at our fingertips it has now become easier to send a quick text than make a phone call. I'm 100% guilty of this myself most of the time but personally I find e-mails, or facebook, texting, Live accounts and even chat programs being miss used and abused because people are braver typing things and hitting send, rather than speaking to someone face to face. Social media is not a place to air your dirty laundry to the public, it's impersonal and it causes nothing but drama.
I've been through hardships in my marriage, boy have I ever! Bad enough that we split and I really evaluated what my marriage was worth. The thing is though, even if you split for a while, don't be pushed around by family and friends to leave the marriage, ultimately it's you who needs to decide what the marriage means to you and this is something that I don't think a lot of people realize. Family and friends are quick to judge because they love you and want to make you feel better and take your hurt away, but really take the time and listen to yourself.
And even if you decide to get back together there's gonna be hurt, don't be pushed into forgiveness before you're ready. The last thing you want is to harbor that ill feeling of what happened into your future and have it potentially ruin what could have been a beautiful future together.
Marriage is scary. Marriage is work. Marriage is joy. Marriage is frustration. Marriage is a unity, there is no me me me, but only us and we. Marriage is having your best friend to sleep and wake beside.
There is worth in your vows. Mean the words you say. Together you can become stronger but you have to fight for it.
Fight! Take it to the mattresses!
Don't become another statistic. Sometimes it only takes one person to believe in you and the most important person should be you!
Commitment is sexy! Looks come and go.